Lilith in Libra + Saturn and Neptune Retrograde

Vol. 60 // 07-19-24

Greetings friends,

I’ve been on an (unplanned) hiatus of sorts, which was spurred by a series of events that I sort of, but didn’t really see coming. I’ve been trying to find the right words to tell you about it, but these past few weeks have felt like a blur, and it’s taken much more effort than I thought it would to stay grounded as I’m seemingly tossed into a new deep end of life. My nearly three-year-long relationship has come to an end and my entire life is changing. I moved out of our shared apartment and am living somewhere entirely new. I am beginning a completely new chapter, one that has me feeling an equal combination of fear, excitement, discomfort, curiosity, and uncertainty. This ending has been something my partner and I have been mildly aware of for a few months now, as we have both reached a point where we need to embark on solo journeys of personal growth. But now it's here, and it's far more uncomfortable than I anticipated it to be.

The buildup to this transition and this transition itself have been the reason for my inconsistency in writing this past month or two, so I appreciate your patience with me as I navigate this change. Grieving the ending of this chapter has been so confrontational and intense, as this is an experience I’ve never gone through before. I’ve had other relationships in the past, but no one is like Kealin. The relationship we shared and the love we still have for one another is precious and sacred—I will never take it for granted. I never thought that this transition would be one that I’d have to learn how to navigate, but I’m in it, and I’m accepting what must happen for growth to occur.

Without divulging too much about the personal details of this whole thing, our parting feels very fated in a strange and peaceful way. I’ve observed the transits and their interactions with his and my charts, and my intuition feels astrologically confirmed. I think having such a strong intuitive feeling about the outcome of this is what is making the now so difficult; it’s as if I know the future and my ego-mind is screaming, "Well, why can’t it just be that way right now?!” But I know that this season is serving a purpose, and a big one at that. There is something far greater happening in my life and his life that I don’t even think I can fathom at present. My heart aches because I don’t feel like this is the end of our story together, but I know this is the end of a chapter and the beginning of another, one that will be more focused on self-understanding, personal growth, healing, and many new adventures. I am in a new city, staying with a friend, trying to figure out what comes next. My family is no longer 10 minutes down the road, and I am living out of two big suitcases.

I hardly know anyone here, which is deeply uncomfortable, but also empowering, as I’m forging a new path forward in a way that I have never had the chance to do. It feels jarring to be out of my usual sense of normality—I am such a creature of habit and value stability so much that this change has felt paralyzing at times. I’ve sat down to write in the past few weeks, trying to feel inspired, but my mind wanders elsewhere—to what and who I’ve left behind—and I’ve found that I’ve, strangely, been at a loss for words to fully express my thoughts, even those about the stars, which has never been an issue in the past. I feel suspended in space, almost as if I’m watching myself go about life but am not fully clicked into the experience. Phone calls with my parents and the familiarity my dreams bring me through replays of precious memories from my old life in Washington feel like the only things keeping me together at times. I’m having many lovely experiences and have felt so warmly accepted by this new city, but there’s still that dull ache in my chest reminding me of all that was once in the palm of my hand and no longer is.

What you may be grateful for is that now that I am through (at least what I think is) the biggest part of this transition, my mental and emotional worlds have gained a little more stability, and I am designing a new daily routine. Work is a much bigger and more important priority to me in this new chapter, which means that things are going to become more consistent and I will be able to dedicate more time to some projects I’ve been wanting to invest in for quite a while. I appreciate your continued support as I experience this turbulent time in my life, and I thank you for the kind messages and words of encouragement that I’ve received over the past few weeks. I will be spending this next week catching up on readings, emails, and newsletters so that I can get back into the routine that once came so easily to me.

I am grieving the relationship I no longer have, but amidst the sadness and tears, so much gratitude exists. I feel so grateful to know love like that and to have the privilege of being loved so well. I think my grief is evidence of the love that I feel; it is immense because my love is immense.

As I have been shown time and time again, every ending is also a new beginning, and I am already seeing new things aligning in my favor. All I can do is make peace with the present—this very moment—over and over and over again. I’m being reminded that dwelling in the past and worrying about the future is only preventing me from being fully here with myself. I am reminding myself to reminisce on what once was with fondness, not despair. I am reminding myself to embrace the endless possibilities that the future holds. Every time I have thought that things were not working out as they should, I’ve been shown that they are working out even better than I could have realized, so I cannot act like this time is any different. I will always love Kealin and will always have so much gratitude for the safety, love, compassion, and knowing he provided for me—it is rare to feel truly seen and known as you see yourself by another. It was such a privilege to have been a witness to his evolution, growth, and light because Kealin is one of those people who really just radiates light—his presence is energizing; it’s like he neutralizes negativity just by being there. If we are to reunite one day in the future, I have no doubt that it will be facilitated by the universe with just as much ease, fluidity, and magic as it was three years ago. I have faith. And I truly hope that this is a “see you later” rather than a fully conclusive “goodbye.” But for now, I am surrendering to this new journey of growing on my own. xx

There’s a lot to update you on, so let’s start with the most prominent influences that will last throughout the rest of the summer and, for some, the rest of the year. The first and most notable, in my opinion, is not Saturn retrograde, but actually Lilith’s entry into Libra. You may have noticed its shift a couple of weeks ago on June 29th (the same day Saturn went retrograde) and have likely been becoming acquainted with its influence since then.

LILITH IN LIBRA
Black Moon Lilith (or Lilith, for simplicity’s sake), is a fictitious point in the chart that is most simply described as the dark side of the moon. In the natal chart, it can symbolize a part of yourself that you’ve been conditioned to believe is fatally flawed or wrong, which often suggests that we may become estranged from that aspect of ourselves. The house may discuss how it most prominently manifests and what thematic area of life it will most significantly affect. It is the symbol of the wild woman archetype and, therefore, can refer quite significantly to feminine rebellion—the rebellion the feminine feels against patriarchal structures that limit, harm, and try to control her. However, one of the most prominent things that Lilith symbolizes, especially in transit, is a fear that, when confronted, can be alchemized into a great power. This is what transiting Lilith often brings to our attention as it traverses a new sign and activates a new house in each of our charts.

It takes about nine months for Lilith to make her way through a sign, which means she’s been passing through Virgo since October of last year. Over these past nine months, we’ve collectively been learning about the importance of communicating our expectations and boundaries to others (especially our loved ones) if we wish for them to be met and respected. We’ve been developing a better understanding of how to advocate for ourselves with clear and direct language, while also learning from the other parties involved, being able to gather a better understanding of how we can receive criticism without internalizing it. Confronting our fears of imperfection has also been addressed, and many of us, especially those who are perfectionists, may have had some difficult realizations that we’re not as put together as we thought we were. This has also likely been brought to our attention by us learning how to integrate imperfection into our creative process as something that we can celebrate and allow to accelerate us, rather than allowing it to stifle the flow of inspiration.

Considering Virgo is also associated with sexual sovereignty and self-ownership—a sign that prioritizes protecting themselves and honoring their boundaries—this transit may have brought our awareness to healing that needs to be accomplished from painful experiences, especially those in which we’ve had our boundaries disrespected or neglected in moments of vulnerability.

Now that Lilith is in Libra, our focus will be more directed toward relationships, social expectations and traditions, sacrifices, and our individual presence in relationships, commitments, and connections. This movement into Libra may have initiated many pauses, breakups, or significant shifts in relationships, as Lilith intends to have us identify the brutal truths that we’ve perhaps been hiding from, especially regarding the maintenance and long-term balance of harmony, power, and contentment in our relationships. Any relationships that are out of balance with one another will likely be greatly tested through this transit, which is why there will be many endings—some temporary and some permanent. Upon Lilith’s entry into Libra, any such imbalances were likely made unbearable to ignore any longer, leading to a decision being made. This ingress suggests liberation from controlling environments or partners, which blesses and supports any individuals who have felt constrained or manipulated by another to free themselves. Individuality and choosing what is right for you will be a highlight of this transit, which may suggest that we all feel a little less willing to comply with others’ expectations. We’re being made aware through Lilith that, sometimes, the solution to the issue that is best for us will not be satisfying to all parties involved, sometimes hurting or disappointing someone else is unavoidable, but that does not mean that the choice should not be made.

This transit does not only refer to romantic relationships, but also friendships, contractual matters, and other commitments that we’ve sacrificed parts of ourselves for. Lilith is essentially having us check in with ourselves and is asking us some serious questions about our satisfaction with the things or people we’ve committed ourselves to.
Do you feel that you’re being met at the level that you’re meeting the other party?
Are you overcompensating for them in any way? Are you overly reliant upon them?
How are they contributing to or restricting your growth?
Is it really working in the way you both may want it to? Or is it just working because you’re trying so hard to keep it together?

Because the south node is also in Libra, Lilith’s presence here likely feels much more karmic or fated than it did in Virgo. The endings that are occurring may feel as if they’ve always been planned, and you may find that to be true the more distance you find between yourself and the commitment’s ending. Events made within soul contracts (see the note below if you don’t know what those are) are being fulfilled and honored—things that are meant to happen for soul evolution are in full motion. This is also teaching a specific lesson to relationships that involve sister signs, as relationships involving this dynamic are heavily focused on balance and learning how to mutually benefit one another. This may be relevant to relationships that have opposing Venus, Sun, Moon, or Rising signs—the sister signs are Aries and Libra, Taurus and Scorpio, Gemini and Sagittarius, Cancer and Capricorn, Leo and Aquarius, and Virgo and Pisces.

The imbalances being illuminated by Lilith are not just in power dynamics but also in personal priorities, personal development, healing journeys, spiritual evolution, and other such matters that can influence the health of a relationship. This is not only ending or putting on hold toxic or unhealthy relationships—relationships that have a healthy foundation and are still very much rooted in love may be coming to a close for both parties to assess their own needs and prioritize themselves more intentionally.

Those who tend to be followers, people pleasers, peacemakers, and mediators may find that they are being asked to take the lead, which may feel quite uncomfortable to them, but the events, cycles, or experiences that they continue to submit to may feel even more uncomfortable to stay in, leading them to take action toward change. Partners who are more dependent or reliant upon the other party are more likely to be the ones to initiate the ending of the relationship. Ironically, they may be recognizing that their habitual self-sacrificing is actually restricting and impeding them from meeting their loved one’s needs in the ways that truly matter. Co-dependency and over-reliance are being addressed directly. This transit has each of us advocating for our independence more and will likely have us facing fears around decisiveness, accountability, confidence, self-sufficiency, and following our life paths, which is highlighted and emphasized by the North Node in Aries.

This transit will also encourage us all to speak our inner truths with more confidence and will—we may find ourselves put into situations in which we have to say the thing we truly feel, even if it doesn’t sit well with those who receive it. In a way, this will remind us that we can’t always make everyone happy or take responsibility for everyone’s experience. Even when your intention is coming from a place of pure intention, you have no choice in how your words are received—everyone will interpret what you say differently, some of which may be drastically different from what you intended to convey. That’s not to say we should lose our tact when speaking to others, as this transit will also remind us that speaking sharply from a place of victimhood has its consequences. We can find a way to convey the honest truth without downplaying how we truly feel while also being mindful of others’ experiences.

Overall, this transit will encourage us to pursue the pure truth that resides within each of us. We may be inspired to rebel against social expectations, popularity, or what the culturally perceived “right thing” to do is. This may make for some situations in which some of us will feel as if we’re being rejected by society in some way, we may be addressing fears about belonging, fitting in, and being perceived how we want to be. This is an influence that may bring our awareness to matters that cannot be compromised, which may provide us more clarity around what our deal breakers are in connections, commitments, and other such things that involve sacrifice. Dating during this summer may not lead to any long-term connections, but there will likely be many things that we learn about ourselves through interaction with potential or casual romantic interests or friends. In my opinion, this transit will also create some shifts in beauty and fashion—things that were once socially shunned may become celebrated and considered “cool.” What was once considered “ugly” may become deeply admired.

Later this summer, we’ll be having a Lilith-South Node-Venus conjunction, which will bring many of the themes I’ve discussed, especially those pertaining to relationships, to a significant “head” of sorts. I’ll share more on that as we get closer to it.

Soul Contracts: A soul contract is a concept that before we incarnated into the lives we are currently living, we made agreements with other souls to learn specific lessons and have experiences that we can evolve through by meeting and knowing one another. A soul contract is not karmic, and therefore harmful, toxic, or abusive relationships are not capable of being involved in a soul contract. You may have made a soul contract with a friend, loved one, family member, partner, or acquaintance before incarnating, and oftentimes, we have several that we’ve made with different parties all for different reasons. Each contract will have a different motivation behind it, but as a general overview, they are always made to help us grow, evolve, and align with our soul consciousness.

SATURN RETROGRADE IN PISCES
Saturn goes retrograde annually, so this is not something that should cause alarm or be surrounded by a negative connotation. As I’ve said in previous newsletters, when a planet retrogrades, it only appears to be moving backward from our perspective here on Earth. Retrogrades mean that the planet has shifted into a feminine state. All planets in direct motion, even if a traditionally feminine body like Venus, are in a masculine state, as their energy is more prominent in our external lives—they are moving forward, looking to the future, and leading the way. When a planet retrogrades, it moves into a feminine state—it turns inward, slows down, reflects, and invites us to be more introspective. Saturn retrograde lasts between four and five months and is a time for us to do the inner work that is likely impeding our progress in constructing external structures and projects that we wish to stand long into the future.

With Saturn’s passage through Pisces, this retrograde is inviting us to turn inward to explore our relationships with our mental health, subconscious programming, spiritual lives, and faith. We’re more specifically asked to observe how those things have evolved since Saturn’s last retrograde period (June 17th, 2023-November 4th, 2023). This is a time for us to consider what we’ve built, or have attempted to build or uphold, since then and reassess how long-lasting they are. Saturn retrograde is a time for us to turn inward and consider how our inner structures (emotional habits, foundational beliefs, mental health, personal philosophies) are doing—have you been tending to them in the ways that they need to prosper and flourish? We may find that external matters that we’ve invested much of our energy into may reorganize themselves, or some may even fall apart, as we may realize that there is an aspect of our inner structure that is not supporting the continued progress of external matters. Especially considering Saturn has been in Pisces, this retrograde may be introducing tests of faith that will require us to let go of things that we may want to create for or keep in our plans for the future.

Saturn in Pisces has intended to teach us how to have more faith in ourselves, our dreams, and that which is out of our control. You may find that you’ve also been readdressing the tendencies, distractions, coping mechanisms, and dependencies that you’ve relied upon in the past to ease any worry or discomfort about matters that you feel helpless in or are unable to alter. Saturn in Pisces requests that we make peace with what we cannot control and not do so by muting our senses through substances or alcohol or distracting ourselves from the truth of the matter through reality-altering immersive environments (excessive video games, television, and other such things that pull you out of “real life”). Instead, Saturn has asked us to look at what we truly crave—our dreams—and consider how we can implement healthy habits, inner narratives, and mentalities to support our acquisition of them. Saturn has urged us to consider how we’ve gotten in our own ways in the pursuit of our dreams—how we’ve self-sabotaged through various ways to avoid reality. It has been teaching us that in order to make our dreams a reality, we must stop entertaining the distractions that are consuming our attention to provide us with a fleeting moment of bliss. In concept, Saturn will only give us what we can handle, so this retrograde is a time for us to go inward and create stronger emotional structures and foundational beliefs so that we can be prepared for and ready to receive greater responsibilities (many of which are simultaneously what we yearn for!).

As Saturn retrogrades over the next four months or so (going direct on November 15th), we may find ourselves evaluating the inner structures of our mental domains, emotional worlds, and personal narratives so that we can adjust them accordingly to better support our external motion. This may have many of us going to therapy, returning to therapy, or partaking in more inward practices, drawing away from our external goals for a period of time to assess how sound we are emotionally and spiritually to take on a bigger workload. This could be a time of isolation for many of us; we may find ourselves literally isolated or reaching an inner place where we can no longer continue in the ways that we’ve been habitually being—something needs to change. Perhaps this will have us unpacking traumatic experiences that are the reason for our coping mechanisms and unhealthy tendencies. Perhaps some of us will go on a symbolic “journey of the soul,” seeking ourselves and our spiritual consciousness out in a way we previously had not had the discipline or bravery to do. This may spark a period of deep introspection and a call for more inner discipline so that we may become more emotionally sturdy and faithful in the unknown.

There may be experiences that we will encounter that will deeply challenge our ability to have faith in our intuitive knowledge, which is emphasized by Jupiter in Gemini, as one of Jupiter in Gemini’s primary themes, if you remember from that newsletter, is to allow the feeling to be enough evidence to proceed. There may be scenarios in which the ego will try to tell us to doubt, but Saturn reminds us to stay connected to our inner knowing, even if we may not have the tangible evidence to corroborate its truth. Allow this period to be a time of inner development and learning.

NEPTUNE RETROGRADE IN PISCES
Neptune is another planet that retrogrades for several months of the year on an annual basis and is not something that is considered abnormal or unexpected to experience, but its station retrograde may be suggesting a few realizations. Neptune is one of the slower-moving outer planets and is retrograde for usually about six months of the year, which is what contributes to its slow travel. This is the planet of dreams, ideals, imagination, fantasy, productions (for film and other works of fiction), illusion, and distorted reality. It is also associated with the subconscious mind, sleep, reality-altering substances, the entertainment industry, and metaphysics. When in direct motion, Neptune may invite more imagining, fantasizing, and submerging oneself in an idea, dream world, or idealized concept, which can often support the flow of creative works and benefit our sense of comfort in the now. Neptune direct symbolizes our immersion into aspects of life that are presently intangible but possible to materialize—artistic works, our dreams, inspired ideas—but also influences us to have a more idealistic way of thinking, which may have us perceiving our current realities as more acceptable, enjoyable, or comfortable than they truly are.

Neptune’s rulership over substances is the perfect image to describe how easily its energetic influence can fluctuate from harmoniously supportive to deeply alienating and reality-warping. Consider any recreational substance—in moderation, it may enhance your experience in life, making reality appear slightly more blissful or magical than usual, but still not taking over your sense of understanding about the world around you. You may feel more fluid, loose, loving, or friendly, but you will likely still be aware that those feelings are all a result of the substance. Now consider the same substance (whichever came to mind, if a specific one did) but in excess. Your perception of reality may become drastically warped from what reality truly is, so much so that you become disoriented and uncertain of your own judgment. You may find it difficult to know what is real and what is not. The world around you may become so distorted, exaggerated, or difficult to process, that you could become completely out of touch with the truth. This is not to say that Neptune will show up in this way frequently, but it may be more prone to showing up in our experiences in this way if we do not ground ourselves. And this is what Neptune retrograde is checking in on.

During Neptune’s retrograde, it is more difficult to distract ourselves with dependencies, pleasures, falsities, and temporary fixes—we are given a reality check of sorts that urges us to become more realistic with our dreams and consider how we have perhaps allowed ourselves to stray from the path that leads to our true desires. During this period of time, we’re urged to become more realistic with what our dreams are so that we may start spending more quality time working toward them, rather than allowing ourselves to be easily distracted by temporary pleasures and fleeting moments of bliss. That’s not to say we should cut away all comfort and pleasure, but rather a reminder to make our time count—if we are going to relax, we’re encouraged to indulge in healthier modalities of doing so. There is such a thing as “too much of a good thing,” and that is what Neptune retrograde oftentimes wishes to restore balance to, as there is a massive difference between an intentional period of restorative relaxation and a dissociative five-hour social media scrolling session that leaves you feeling disappointed and hollow.

During this period, especially with Saturn being retrograde in the same sign, we will be asked to consider how we can find a gentle balance between leisure and hard work, comfort and stagnancy, and illusion and truth. We may find ourselves becoming more easily exhausted or craving more alone time, but Saturn and Neptune, in their retrograde states, both ask us to rest with intention rather than numbing ourselves through unhealthy modalities. This is a valuable time to assess what little pleasures or treats you indulge in on a daily basis and consider how they are affecting you on a grander scale. We may find ourselves becoming more disciplined with quitting our addictions or undesired habits, this time with a more determined sense of finality. As we venture through the remainder of this summer, which will include three more Saturn-dominant full moons (I’m sending the Capricorn full moon article out in a couple of days, yay!) and a Mercury retrograde, the goal is to not bite off more than we can chew. Our awareness of our limits is heightened at this time, and we’re asking ourselves what we honestly have the energetic wherewithal to accomplish.

These retrogrades ask us to make our downtime count, not in the sense that everything we do has to “serve a purpose,” but rather to consider what each intention is behind our actions, especially those that involve relaxation, pleasure, rest, and stillness. These are an invitation for us to rebalance the time we use to restore ourselves so that we may receive the benefits of restoration that is done so intentionally. Be honest with yourself when engaging in pleasures that you could potentially get lost in (social media, video games, television, daydreaming, excessive sleeping, etc.—anything you may use to distract yourself from something else). Invest in things that help strengthen your relationship with your intuition, affirm the beliefs you wish to have, and help you adopt a more surrendered way of being with all that is. This is a time to nurture ourselves in whatever ways we most need it. And especially through this weekend, as we feel the impact of the Capricorn full moon, try to make time for self-care and recovery—rest, read an insightful book, gently stretch, go out in nature, stay hydrated, or whatever else makes you feel most at peace. These retrogrades advocate for us to do the deep work, but that does not mean it has to be aggressive and intense. In the essence of Pisces, we’re encouraged to ride the wave of life as it pulls us along, but in doing so, we also must remember to not resist what is brought forward, even if it is not entirely comfortable. Surrender is what is asked of us—surrender and trust, and all will be revealed as it needs to be in due time.

There are no horoscopes for this installment, but there will be in the next one. I’m hoping that next week I’ll be back in the regular swing of things…:3